Got any other bright ideas?

It's late and I'm frustrated. My computer is being unbelievably slow due to media uploading issues for my new website. I can't take it anymore. I'm tired and thinking about throwing this stupid laptop through the tree that's tapping at the window. I know that sounds hard to do . . . to throw a laptop through one side of a tree so it will smash out of the other, but I am just that frustrated. I could make that happen, I think.

I feel like I'm being picked on, sort of. Not by God, but maybe it is by God? I mean, there isn't another higher power up there and I know I'm being really selfish right now, but I feel like everything that I've been trying to complete lately is blowing up in my face. Yes, there are less fortunate people out there. Yes, everyone has bad days, weeks, months, years. Yes, it probably could be worse. Yes, I could probably just use some help and a hug.

I finally caved in and asked for help yesterday, after almost two weeks of me being stubborn and trying to figure it out on my own. I know that sounds bad, but I always feel like the reward is greater when I do it myself. Like when you save up for a trip, without anyone else chipping in. Or when you clean up your room, without anyone telling you to or helping out, just because you wanted to.

Anyway, I digress.

I know there is a line that I crossed somewhere, when was the right time to back down and ask for help? It seems like I'm the only one in my family who speaks computer jargon. And the people I've called only really know what I'm talking about if they look at it, because my computer problem is so screwed up. However, they can't look at it because I work terrible hours and till late (later now because of the holiday season) and they have real jobs starting very early.

Does this mean I should stop trying to strive for the internship? Is this a sign? They wanted me to do a small assignment for them, which I've been putting endless amounts of hours into, but all this work and no payoff, does that mean it's not the right time yet? I feel picked on. I'm going to be stuck in this terrible retail gig and no other job opportunity is going to show up and I'm going to be the failure stuck in her parents house until they die all because I couldn't get a website working properly.

Maybe that's a little dramatic.

Dear God,
Help me move out. I love your work.
Best regards, Robyn.