How can you NOT like cats?

So I'm not a fan of cats, I'll admit it. No problem. Here's why:

My Wisconsin grandparents had a fierce tabby cat named Spike. Can you sense the evil already? This special little hairball was a hunter, and a scratcher, and a life ruiner of little children. He was a stray that jumped into their moving car, probably escaping from Hades.

Now, usually domestic felines will leave you alone if you leave THEM alone, because they think they're God. HOWEVER, this animal was a special hunter! The demon would come after NathaN and I, even if we were minding our own business, like watching Nickelodeon (we never had cable before) and try to scratch us. It was bad news. I'm surprised he didn't wear a spiked collar in order to live up to his name, oh wait. . . he DID!! I remember lots of times running into the other room, using a mirror to peer around corners, and pushing NathaN ahead of me, I guess as a sacrifice.

So if you ever see me resist the urge to pet your "friendly" cat, do not fret. I may be "suffering" from this "condition" for the rest of my life. "Your cat saved a child, you say? Do you mind if I try to flush your cat down the toliet?"